Let's say you
are a high school going kid,you are future oriented,destined to change
the world,you believe that Education is the Key to success,Let's say you
are from Murangá from a nondescript village that still has cabbage as
its main cash crop.You live in Kiamburi,your village is full of
drunks,men of potential that gave away to some funny alcohols.They are
shells of men deprived of libido.There is a constant fear in your
village that yours is the very last generation that will ever be seen.In
40 years your village will be a ghost town.
You look around,your
uncle,the one whose wife you are named after has not changed his old
rugged Tusker tshirt he put on in 1997 after that Kenya Breweries
Promotion that gave a hundred thousands as the grand prize.
He won the tshirt not the grand prize.He smells like a pig's kraal,baad.
His wife is a paragon of complains,she has been featured on various
satirical TV segments as an eye witness,complaining of her husband poor
performance in bed-or lack of it.But you can change this.So you work
hard in high school,you qualify for direct entry to campus-the first one
in the entire village..well the second, the first was your cousin who
dropped out of second year because during her long holiday that year,she
gave in to Kangara,Changáa et al.She now takes a pee along the roads
and feels no hoot about it.
You join campus.And you take life head
on.Four years are going to be exciting.Your family sells their only cow
to send their kid to campus.Unbeknowest to you it is a den of vanity.
Perversion
You will lose virginity,if you are lucky enough, it will take you an
year,campus boys the ones ably described as team mafisi,whose
philosphies are so twisted will thirst over you,they will bamboozle to
your hostel,you will feel loved,because real men from Nairobi will tell
you how beautiful you are.They will ask you out,mostly these are second
years,they have enough experience in campus affairs and they will
"volunteer" to show you around.You will give in to one,the most handsome
of the pack,he looks more mature,at the top echleon of the social
sophistry in campus,plus he listens to Daughtry,the only Musician you
ever heard of is John De Mathew..Before long,mr.handsome will ask you to
his rented room,outside the University.You will religiously follow for a
weekend stay,your life will change.
THE RAVErend
The social
welfare secretary will have posters put around campus advertising
Freshers Night,how better could you kick start your journey to change
the world than attend this event in the company of Mr.Handsome?
So
on Friday you will dress to kill(your village standards)That should
mean,a metalic trouser and a fubu 05 tshirt-you are slaying.
You
will see demonic things there,before Kenrazy comes to the stage at
around 2 AM.You will see semi nude girls bend over,you will see drunk
boys touch cookie jars,you will wonder in amazement from the back of the
hall.You will be initiated to a movement of Rave Kings and Queens in
campus.You will be lucky not to taste Konyagi,you will scoff at its
taste,you will not remember the drunks in your village.
Kenrazy will
wow you,You have never heard something like that.You only listen to
John De Mathew and Kamande wa Kioi for a change.
You will be walked
back to the hostel by Mr.handsome-in a drunken stupor,sweaty and all.You
will wake up at 2:00 in the PM on Saturday,you will taste a hang
down.it taste like your cousin's piss,remember the one in the village
who takes a pee by the road?Your life will change.
SOCIAL MEDIA
Facebook is unknown back in Kiamburi,so is Twitter and Instagram.But
here you are,people are asking you your twitter handle,they want to
follow you.They want to send you a friend requests,they are cool kids
and all cool kids meet on social media.
Mr.Handsome will dread this
day,it was all awesome untill you joined social media.His trivial ways
will nolonger be a secret.Poof!
You will be initiated into this
cultic obsession.You will create accounts.Facebook,You will use your
name,as on your birth cirtificate-you still haven't gotten hold of an
ID.You are 17.Soon you will discover the double lives of social
media.You will change your name to something sexy,something more
appealing,who wants to be friends with you if you are called Bilha
Nyakarura?Nobody!
For you to be savvy,well updated,conversant,you
will need a good phone.Your Nokia 3310 will definately now belong to
that uncle with a Tusker tee.You will call your mother back at home,you
will tell her that all first year students are to go on a mandatory trip
to Tanzania at a cost of course, 7000,your mom will be sorry sick,she
will do whatever it takes,she will sell a goat and send you 6800,you
will thank her in a rehersed gratitude and promise to look for the
balance.You will buy a Tecno and technically disappear for a
week,because there is no Network in Tanzania.
You have Social Media..Your life will change.
DRESSING
Remember that Fubu 05 tee you rocked coming to campo?That is for
dimwits back in Kiamburi.For losers who haven't been anywhere beyond
your shopping center in Kandara.You will dispose that probably take it
to a children's home near the University,because the hand that
gives...that brouhaha
You will invest more in minis,pencil
trousers,six inch heels,you will start believing that femininity is
about exposure,you will describe yourself as bold.Sudenly,your dressing
is a statement nolonger a necessity in covering nudity-infact you will
embrace nudity-because the female body is a work of art.And why hide
what God intended to be displayed to the world?why?Those who hold a
diffrent opinion will be branded haters..and because you are on
Instagram-which you call IG,you will say they make you famous.
Your life will change.
CHURCH.
Who goes to church?Who has time for church?I mean,your weekend if fully
packed.last week you went for a house party in Kisumu,that loser
Mr.Handsome is nolonger in your league.I mean,who dates such losers?
Church, you will learn is for whips.Campus never-do-wells with pleanty
of time on their hands.Once in a while when you wake up on your bed,you
will remember it is Sunday,you will take your skimpy dressed self to a
CU service,People will look at you with amazement,You will sit the
entire time entombed to your phone,You will take a selfie,along with a
barage of hushtags,you will announce to the world that you are in
church.That post will recieve many likes..You are queen.And when queens
go to church the world stops.You will leave the service half way,who has
all that time?
Your life will change
NAME and CLIQUE
Somehow,you will get attracted to a female dog's name,you will make it
sound like the best name ever,you will call yourself a bad bitch,your
girlfriends are your bitches..Bitches are queens.Full stop!You will also
discover that in this life you need good bitches to walk through
life,You need bitches to step out with.And so you will martial your
seven girls,who are bold and aren't afraid of showing some skin to be
your partners in crime.They all drink vodka.Beer was made for fat men in
Kandara.Where are you from again?Not Kandara of course.Bad bitches will
have a whatsApp group,yáll need to be in touch constantly right?
Your life will change and hence that of your bitches
BEAUTY.
You will soon discover that your ass is huge,by the number of looks you
get from thirsty boys,you will start believing it is a statement of
beauty,the true defination of African Beauty.You will take photos with
your ass facing the camera,boys will say good things about it.The crazy
ones will leave their numbers on your timeline.And because you are the
Social LIGHT(not socialite) You will ignore their wontless want of
tact.You will have eyebrows done,skin lightend,things done to you.You
will be decostructed totally,Your mother will never recognize you again.
Your life will change
GRADES
You wanted a First Class Honors when you joined campus,but that you
discovered is for whimps who go to CU.Not for your type,Your type has
connections..And after campus you will not tarmack to look for jobs,jobs
will look for you.In your year 3 you only want to graduate..with
anything.Heck,they can even give you a third class for all you care.It
is not a big deal.Or is it?
has your life changed?
You
will abhor from anything and anyone that will remind you your former
self,You only live once right?So you are making the best out of
life..One day your mother will see you,actually someone that looks like
you.She will have a heart attack!Or a brain hernia,or something lethal.
Your life will have changed.
Campus will do things to you.
