KENYATTA AVENUE

Few things are breathe taking in this world,like walking in the evening's maze,the noise and haste of a relentless battalion of humans of Nakuru,they come in all sizes,shapes and colors.
Because I am a banker,I will be in town most evenings including Saturdays and Saturdays are bad news,I will leave the office in my shirt,my sweaty self,my bad tie and tired mind,my ass will follow behind,because it is numb from sitting the whole day,and talking to funny people-mostly Kikuyus,Kikuyus are a funny lot.I am one but I have never understood them,we are an overtly suspecting lot-we suspect everybody especially bankers.We think the only thing they do is plan on how they will eat our hard earned cash which we all starsh in Equity bank-by the way if you are a Kikuyu and you are reading this,this is to notify you that Kenya has close to 70 mid level deposit taking banks-including Murangá Teachers' sacco and all other 6 Million Saccos in Kiambu Nyeri and Murangá
Kikuyusand Saccos SMH.
I can spend hours of banking in Kikuyu literature and still fail terribly at ever comprehending it..Kwanza the ones from Nyeri.
So I digress.This article is about the Kenyatta Avenue and all its vanity.So on days when my month is longer than my notes arranges spacingly(if you can say that) I will walk home.And I will see things and people and their things.Here's my list
SELFIE LOT
They have phones the size of a probox windscreen,phones that require those wheelbarrow from a certain Western Kenya town to carry and drag around.They suave once have invested in a selfie stick.They will walk in small groups of 3 or 4 or 5 or 57,heck the slfie lot can never walk alone,They are always busy on their phones probably flirting with a guy/chick they vcan only have in their dreams.they will suddenly and spontaneously lift hands,no word, and poof pose for a selfie,here is what I find ubelievably crazy about this lot,a few minutes they are not talking,they aren't even looking at each other,but when it is selfie time it is time to smile,and look up-quite literally and photo bomb.If you are lucky you will appear in one.Some have smelly arm pits.But selfies must be taken and moments must be documented,
THE PERVERTS
They have a twisted sense of value sytem.They are mostly,young boys from campus mostly Egerton,Egerton is full of perves,boys full of piss,what do people go to study in Egerton?they will turn around at the onset of any female,they will ogle,they will stare,they will lust,they will whistle at young girls probably taking BBIT in JKUAT,By the way what do people of BBIT do?They will follow behind young girls from JKUAT in pencil skirts whose main agenda in life is taking Selfies,wait I have always thought guys of BBIT especially from JKUAT study Selfie Studies go to their Instagram and see-thank me later.These perverts, will take photos of young women butts,they will later post them on Instagram or Snap Chat,or share with other young full of piss Egerton perverts on perverted whatsApp groups.If you are a parent and your young boy goes to Egerton peek into their phone..Just peek.You will discover something likely to be seen on Keeping up with the Kardashians.I am sorry.
THE HIPHOP FANATICS
They dress like they are straight outta Birdman's video,you know those you can't really comprehend?Those ones.They wear shirts the size of a Kanzu,they are always on head phones,lost into some of those lucid tunes that prime time Tv avoids.They are easy at cursing,They will show you the middle finger if you cross their paths because their philosophy is YOLO-poor souls.They are a funny lot these ones-They need redemption.
THE STOOD UP
Mostly women dating or trying to date fools that can't keep time,they are always outside coffee shops and they always look wasted,anxious and restless,they are punching their phones,the crazy charlatan has been waited for,for like 9 hours,I suspect the waited for fools are young full of piss boys from Egerton.see?
They are probably waiting for Sports Pesa to send them betting money from last weekend so as to turn up.The stood up will be heavily wading into their Istagram accounts,because they have mastered wifi passwords for these coffee shops because they are regular outside standers..haha.Mostly they will remain there until the kingdom come.I rest my case.
TIRED BANKERS.
They have bad ties,bad shoes,bad moods and bad walking styles,they walk like they own the street.Like they can buy Kenya Airways and Jambo Jet and the government all at once.Bamkers are a sorry lot,if it is early 20s in the month they have some little money and thus,they are always talking loud,laughing hesterically and showing you attitude on the road because they work in banks-forgive them,there is something money-holding money does to you.Bankers are high on attitude,I think they suffer from severe esteem issues,and they have to make up for it by walking like they can buy Jambo jet and Kenya Airways and the government.
THE SHREWD HAWKERS
These are annoying mostly,they will sell you anything.They will try to sell you gumboots in January,yes because gumboots are the coolest thing in January to buy in the evening,There is one that sells watches just along Maasai Market,he has a Somali accent,he will follow you for kilometres even after confessing that you are in the thick of things and the month iko kwa corner..If you are in the company of a woman,they double their mojo,they have something for "madam" a fake golden chain,a fave silver ring just anything,you can buy a kidney from a guy who sells watches along Maasai Market.
THE POLITICIANS
They are always discussing issues,they stand unmoved on verandahs,on the way of well meaning Nakurians,people who are having a bad evening and they only want to get home,They will be discussing how Waiguru will be Ruto's running mate in 2035,this they know because they went to school with Mzee Jomo Kenyatta and were even to be included in his cabinet were it not for the people that "surrounded" mzee,they will pack their bicycles against walls of the shops adjacent and go full blast on tearing into Musikari Kombo.they will even say he was bedeviled by his evil people and will never amount to anything.
THE SPORTS PESA LOT
These ones need forgiveness.